I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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