In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
