I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Pants are for mortals
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
