Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
