so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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