Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
