Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
