Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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