So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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