so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
