the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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