He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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