I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
