Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
