I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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