Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
