I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
