Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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