I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
