how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
