FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
