try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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