I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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