my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
