she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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