butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize