I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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