So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
