I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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