We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I have feelings that need drinking.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
