he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
