Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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