She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
