3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
