Define "chronic" masturbator.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Found the puke drawer
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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