so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
