the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
