Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
