theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
