I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
