See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
