so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
