she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
