Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
