Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
