If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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