I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
