I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
