Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
