Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
