Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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