There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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