I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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