Don't make out with my wife yet
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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