i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
