im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Text me some of your sweat
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
