Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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