Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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