Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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