Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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