I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
