can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
